Topic: "So you want to be a slave: The Realities" - by miria hunter
miria
unregistered
posted
EDITOR'S NOTE: The article below is one person's viewpoint of what we can call "slave realities" for now. What we'd like to do is use this as a jumping off point for others to tell us what they think of the ideas presented here and also about any other "realities" that exist in your own relationships. We're also posting this article on our Fetish Information Exchange website at www.FetishExchange.org/slave-realities.shtml and we'll publish comments and other "slave realities" writings we receive in a future issue of Fetish-News.
I decided to write this article because I have seen so many submissives come into the lifestyle expecting everything to be dream-like and perfect. I don't wish to ruin anyone's dreams, or turn them from the activity, but what I wish to do is to explain how things really are. Being a slave can be, and is for me, a wonderful life. It's everything I wanted it to be. It is also more than I ever expected, and had someone explained the realities to me prior to my decision, it would have made my transition so much easier. For the purpose of this article, I am addressing issues related to being a 24/7 slave. These comments are from my viewpoint, which is that of a female slave with a male Master. By no means do I wish to exclude Domme's or male slaves. For them, I cannot comment from personal experience. This is just my view from a real-time experience.
First, there are a few things you need to discover for and about yourself. Do you wish to be in this type relationship 24/7? Perhaps you only wish to be in it during the scenes. Maybe you want to role-play at only during certain times. There are many ways this activity can be done, but you have to figure out what is right for you.
Second, you need to learn to be honest with yourself. Figure out what you will and will not do, and what is a "maybe". Search inside yourself for what you really want, and when you find it, be honest to anyone you talk to. Don't agree to something long-term that you know you will not be able accomplish. Ask yourself some hard questions. The rest of this article will give you aspects to contemplate so you can base your decisions on reality, and not someone else's dreams of how it should be.
Are you prepared to surrender 100% control of your life to someone else? 24/7 slaves do this. Role-playing would mean entering into this relationship only for the time agreed upon that the Master would have the total control. Once the scene is over, everything returns to normal.
Do you enjoy country music? Maybe you love Rock and Roll. Consider this. The Master who's collar you will eventually wear, may only like classical or another type of music that you don't enjoy. Are you prepared to give up those selections and only listen to His music? This type sacrifice can apply to many other things you currently enjoy. For myself, I love old love songs of any type, and my Master is into Hard Rock. Because of His preferences, I rarely get to listen to my songs. But, when I am a good girl, at times, He does permit me to listen to my choice of music, as long as I get my assigned tasks and chores done. Note, I said, "permitted to". Something as simple as listening to the radio is a reward for me. It is not a given that you will be permitted to enjoy even this little pleasure whenever you wish. These limitations can apply to many areas of your life such as TV, choices of food or friends, just about anywhere anything! Is there a certain style of clothes you love? Certain colors and scents you wouldn't be caught without? If your Master doesn't approve of them, you may be wearing a totally different style with colors you never would have dreamed of. He may lay your clothes out for you every morning. Are you prepared to abide happily by His choices? If He asked you to wear something very skimpy to someplace simple like the grocery store, could you do this without hesitation? I am lucky in the fact that my Master lets me chose my own clothes most of the time. But at anytime, should He decide that He wants me to wear something else, I am to change immediately. Trust me, He does exercise this right. I have learned to always ask Him what He would like me to wear if we are going someplace special.
Are you prepared to change your hairstyle, length, or color to please your Master? All of these will belong to Him once you accept your collar as will everything else that once belonged to you. You will no longer own anything. From the time you take His collar, everything will be His. It will no longer be "your" car or "your" clothes, but "His", on loan to you as He sees fit. If He should so choose, you will not be permitted to wear clothes at all. This will be HIS choice, not yours. Remember, you will have given up all rights to make these choices for yourself.
You have a favorite chair, or a certain way you like to sit or walk? Your Master will decide whether you sit on furniture or on the floor. He will have the say if you are to cross your legs, or sit with them spread wide-open. You will have to ask permission to even climb into bed, or sit on a chair. Most slaves are allowed a cushion on the floor that they do not need permission to sit upon, but very little else. You will even need permission to eat at the table with your Master.
It's been a long hard day at work. You get home and want nothing more than to relax in a tub and go to bed early. Well, you won't be able to. Being tired, ill, or just in a bad mood does not excuse you from your required tasks. You are still required to do them: prepare His meal, and go to bed when HE tells you to. Retiring for bed usually occurs at a set time, even if you are not ready to go. There will not be an "I am too tired" or "I don't feel well": nothing of the kind. Unless your Master has excused you from your tasks and chores, you will remain responsible for making sure His needs and wants are filled: no matter what. It is your job to inform your Master of your physical health status. One of your main jobs will be to take care of and protect, His possessions. You being are the most prized one He owns. As long as you let your Master know how you are feeling, He will make sure that your tasks will be appropriate to your capabilities.
Many come into this lifestyle looking to be used sexually, to service their Master at His whim. They never consider other aspects. The main part of being a slave is to be of service to your Master, and not to be serviced for yourself. However, being readily available to Him at ALL times is also an unspoken expectation. The old excuse "not tonight dear, I have a headache" doesn't work in a D/s relationship. In order to provide Him pleasure, you must also express to Him the pleasure of the moment for you as well. NEVER make your Master feel this is a chore to you: something you would rather not do, but will only because you have to. If your Maste tells you to do something, it will not be up to you to question Him. You will be required to respond with no questions asked. At a later time (if this is permitted in your relationship), you may ask Him for permission to speak on an equal level. If He gives permission, this will be your opportunity to ask your questions. However, it is important to ask in a way so as not to question His authority, but at the same time to satisfy your curiosity.
Do you feel being a slave is to be coerced: forced into servitude? Do you think you couldn't do this unless you were? Then think again. Slaves enter into this relationship of their own free will. This is not the day of forced slavery; it is a matter of choice. YOURS! You are the one who will decide to give over your power to your Master. You will be doing this, not because you are forced to obey, but because you need to. Yes, during the course of your relationship there will be times you will be forced to do something, but it will never be something that goes against who you are. Your Master may feel obeying this command will help you to grow into the best person you can be, or will help you break out of an inhibition you have.
How is your temper? Are you quick to fly off-of-the-handle when you are upset? Or are you laid back, accepting anything and everything, and then go off to sulk because your feelings were hurt? A Master does not wish to have a doormat for a slave nor does He desire to be told how things should be. Learning when and how to say things will become very important in your relationship. If you do not tell your Master when something is bothering you, then you have no right whatsoever to become upset. However wonderful and omnipotent He may seem, He is not a mind reader: unless you tell Him, He won't know. The key, as I said a moment ago, is in how you tell Him.
Your self-discipline is very important in this relationship. Do you tend to put things off until the last possible moment? You won't be able to do this when you are owned. There will be chores and tasks your Master will assign that He expects to be done in a timely fashion set by Him, not by you. Your Master's wants and needs will be put before your own. Self-discipline is similar to self-control. Your ability to follow complete assignments made by your Master will be very important. As a slave, you will need to be able to control your own actions well enough to be able to remain within the boundaries set for you by Him. If He says you can't do something, simply, you can't. Doing it anyway, and not telling Him doesn't make it right. In the case of a Master/slave relationship, what you don't know CAN hurt you, as well as the relationship you have worked so hard to build. Even a simple "white lie" can destroy the trust so necessary to really establish this type relationship.
As to wants and needs of your own: do you know the difference between the two? If not, I strongly recommend you figure them out before entering into servitude. Sometimes the two are hard to distinguish, but it will become important that you do so. Your Master will ensure all your "needs" are taken care of, but the "wants" will be His to allow or not, as He sees fit. Needs are the necessities of life that are required in order for us to remain mentally and physically healthy. They allow us to grow emotionally and spiritually. If you can survive without something, then it is a want. Wants are usually given as a reward for good behavior.
In order to be a slave, there will be many things you have to learn to accept within yourself and adapt to. Your primary purpose in life will be to see to your Masters pleasure (both mentally and physically) in any manner He should desire. In order to do this, you will have to learn your Master well. Find out what pleases and displeases Him. By this, I do not mean just sexually. You will learn that sex is but a small part of your relationship. Learn to anticipate His every need and desire without being pushy. His needs and desires will encompass intellectual stimulation, physical pleasure, emotional support, and many other things unique to Him. Remember - physical does not equal sexual. Physical pleasure may include, but is not limited to, touch, favorite foods, textures, clothing, and colors as examples. It will be your job to make sure His physical pleasures are met in everyway. Think of the five senses, and make His environment pleasing to all of them. Never forget - the most pleasing thing in His environment should be you.
As His slave, it will be up to you to figure out what pleases your Master. He should not have to ask constantly for the basic things - you should have learned them. If His glass is empty, quietly and unobtrusively refill it. Remember, you are doing this for His pleasure not your own. Just because He does not notice and praise you doesn't mean you are doing it wrong. Look at His smile. Is He comfortable? If He looks happy and content, then you have done well, and should bask in His content. Always remember that you do this for Him and not for your own satisfaction. Your happiness should come from serving Him and His being happy.
As I said in the beginning of this article, I am not trying to scare you away from the world of D/s. My goal is to make sure that, when you enter our lifestyle, you do so with your eyes wide open, fully knowing what to expect. The road will not be an easy one. You will have to re-learn much of what you once took for granted: things you just did without thinking, like simply sitting in a chair. These are habits we never even think about anymore. That is, until we find a Master.
Everything else you learned before reading this article is probably true. Being a slave is a wonderful life: one where you are taken care of. Most decisions are out of your hands and in those of your Masters. But, many choices will still be left up to you. Most Masters want a slave who is smart, has a sense of humor, and a will of their own. There is no pleasure in owning a doormat who just sits or is only walked upon. He will become bored very fast. Being yourself is the best advice I was given, and I have found this to be absolutely true for me.
You will find being a slave everything you dreamed of and so much more if you enter this life knowing more of what to expect. If you are meant to be in the lifestyle, you will find that, where you were once only walked through life, you will be gliding on air. Parts of you that never were complete will then become whole. In relinquishing control, I have found freedom: freedom to find and be the person I am inside.
It is my hope that, after reading this article, you will be able to make a more informed choice about entering this lifestyle. Never forget that, one of the most important requirements for existing in this lifestyle is honesty. Honesty with yourself first. However, you will find that this is not as easy as it sounds. Once you learn to do this, you will find yourself at peace and able to enter your servitude with clearer mind, knowing where you are and where you want to be. When you accept your Masters collar, you give up all your rights. Your friends, your life - nothing will remain yours. Being a slave means giving up so much more than you would if you were only being submissive. You give up all rights in your life. Slave isn't just a word; it's a way of life, a defined action. Be well, my friend, and I hope you enjoy this lifestyle as much as I have come to love being in it.
Rick's miria
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posted
i am a very independent woman,,,but like when the collar goes on.....your info hit home and gives me things to think about,,,,as much as i like being a "slave" i am new at exploring my "place" and want to know more... I want to share this with my lover(b-friend) i thiink that he wants to explore this place,,,but is hesitant,,,do to my past..my e-mail is luckky62200@yahoo.com........i look forward to hearing from you
posted
The last three months i have been the submissive(online) of a man i now call Master. He and i have spoken many times of what it would mean to become his slave. i always tell him first i must become a good sub before i can take that very important step to being his slave. i have a sister sub who has been with our Master for one visit already and has decided being his slave when she moves to live with him is what she truly wants in her heart. i plan to visit my Master early next year for two weeks and i have no doubt i will be anxious to return to him though i do not know if it will be as his slave. For me to make this step will take a lot of thought. Don't get me wrong i love my Master and wish to please him in all ways but i must be sure i can give him everything without question before i give myself completely to him. i know from talking to many subs/slaves that they live a very fulfilling life and exactly how they wish to. i wish this for myself also and of course to please my Master and see he is happy.
Posts: 1 | From: Ontario Canada | Registered: Nov 2001
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posted
wow! I was surprised to see my article here and honored as well. I posted it with open permission for anyone to post where they wish. But did not think it would move as it has.
I feel I can answer the new questions and thoughts put forth because of my article. Lucky, you can be independant and smart and still be a slave. The examples I posted were only that, but were meant to make one think. Every relationship is different.
Rosey, you are wise to wait til you get to know him to become a slave. This is not something I feel happens over night. In my opinion every slave is a sub, but every sub is not a slave. Though I do feel inside of most subs is a slave who will slowly emerge over time and with the right Master.
The most important thing is to take time to get to know each other. More time than a few meetings. We were together 4 1/2 years before we ever thought we may be ready. Now a year and a half later we know we were. You are smart to wait and be patient.
Rick's miria
------------------ In being owned I am finally free
Posts: 1 | From: Augusta Geogia | Registered: Dec 2001
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spring
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i thought the article was excellent, a very accurate and informative piece. i love my Master and pleasing Him is everything. Thank-you for making these truths clear and available.
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raine
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miria, could you maybe contact me about getting permission to reprint your article in my group's newsletter? i'm at bad_raineecat@hotmail.com. thanks! -raine
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<Elizabeth>
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I think you did a Great job on this article. It's helped me to see some of the other sides to slavery. Thank you.
posted
like you said every relationship is diffrent. me i can only handle it during the (scene) also you talked about disscusing it beforehand seeing eye to eye i guess.that is very inportant just think if the boss wants to fuck your ass and thats 1 thing you never what to do.that could turn the sub into a dom real quick great insite have fun
Posts: 6 | Registered: Feb 2005
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posted
Like mira, (and kudos on the article, mira), I am a 24/7 slave. I know that looking at slavery from the outside can seem very intimidating. But we all had to grow into our enslavement. Just because that collar gets locked on, doesn't mean you become this perfect, graceful, erotic, instantly yielding and obedient creature. No matter how much we want to serve perfectly, we still bring our humanity to the relationship. Developing the slave mindset, and being molded and trained as your owner requires, is an ongoing process.
So enjoy the journey!
kharita
Posts: 21 | From: Central PA | Registered: Mar 2004
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posted
I wanted to express my admiration to Rick's Miria for her inteligence and articulation on a lifestyle that many have choosen. She pointed out very relevant issues that all Doms/Subs should discuss, evaluate and decide.
Im my lifetime I would have NEVER dreamed I would submit to my partner. I am a very strong willed and forcefull woman. (I even had the word "submit" removed from my 1st marriage vows) A very devout friend of mine pointed out to me that in the books of the Old Testament there is much made of the wife to submit to her husband in ALL things. I was advised that when I understood that by submission freedom is gained my reltionship with my husband would reach a level that would enable it and us to withstand all life throws at us and continue to grow together.
My relationship to my partner is a blend of 24/7 slave and sub. My Dom is respectfull of my professional image and would never humileate me in public by making me sit at his feet ect. However, what most of my peers and friends dont see is that when I come home and the work clothes come off I am his. The bank, car and all the power I have professionally means absolutely nothing. ITS ALL ABOUT HIM !!
I have found myself cooking food I cant possibly eat, wearing clothing that I would never have choosen and have had my intelligence and senses awakened in a way I never dreamed possible. When I balk he punishes, prods and spanks. He doesnt own me with a heavy hand, he understands that mental and physical health are paramount. Just as I know when I am being punished or rewarded that it is and object lesson, something he feels I need to learn or havent quiet grasped. My Dom has lead me to a road of growth and spiritual freedom that I feel certian I would have never accomplished alone. Being someone's slave/sub isnt just about sexuality. For me its about growth, honesty and definition. Our lifestyle has had a strengthening effect on our relationship.
Althought my collar isnt visable, I am growing into it everyday!
~I exist to serve~
Desdmona
Posts: 46 | From: South East Coast | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
I read ABitDifferent's comments on this thread and I learned something. There is a huge differnece in being a Submissive and a Slave. One should NOT confuse the two as there are clear lines that define each one. I didnt even realize that I used each term in an interchangeable way. Now I understand and recognize each is and attitude and lifestyle unique unto its self.
Thanks ABitDifferent for the eye opener!
I associate my submissiveness w/ an invisable collar known only to me and my partner. That might indicate something different to you the next reader but to me is is symbolic of my submission......not slavery.
Desdmona
Posts: 46 | From: South East Coast | Registered: Apr 2005
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posted
WOW! What can I say. I have found freedom by knowing that I can possibly find the type lady I have yearned for my entire adult life.
I see myself as a Benevolent Dominant Male. I'm not sure I want a complete slave but I'm looking gor something close.
It's ironic, but my main pleasure in life comes from making my lady happy. If I could make her happy by being her master, that would be the ultimate dream.
I want to commend miria hunter for such an enlightning article. Not only is the information timely and supurb, her style is fantastic. I'm a copywriter (novice) and I look at writing such as hers as awesome.
A Benevolent Dominant Male
Posts: 1 | From: Suncoast Of Florida | Registered: Aug 2005
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posted
Thank you Miria. Thank you thank you thank you. I am slightly dom and have been trying to understand as much as I can about m/s d/s and how they are different. Your article is a gem. And I only joined this site today.
-------------------- A mind is like a parachute, it is no good to you unless it is open. Posts: 6 | From: Gladstone Qld Australia | Registered: Oct 2005
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<in love>
unregistered
posted
Maria,ur article is increadible.I want to ask for ur advise if possible.I "M in love for a year with a most perfect man in the world(I know sounds silly but I truly believe he is). We started our relationship tenderly.He is vry respective to me & really loves me.When we were making love it was like walking on the tiptoes in case not to be disrespectfull to each other.But the more time went by -the more hardcore we became.I think I was the first to understand that I want him to posess me really. I introduced this idea to him slowly being very afraid to push him where he doesnt belong. But it seems now that he subconciously likes the idea. Now he is ok with at least calling me slave & letting me call him Master.But when I try to explain him that I want him to be in controle fully he seems to get scared.I dunno how to explain him that I love him THAT much.I 'm in need to be HIS.I want him to pick what I would wear ,how I would look ,what I would do-I want him to owe me. HE says its not proper though I somehow feel he is into it.He somehow seems to be afraid to face that he likes it.How can I make him understand that it is ok,thatit is what I want ,that it is not a perversion???
I will be very gratefull if u contact me my email is cool9moon@yahoo.com.
posted
yep.. definately an eye opener that one.. I think i realise now..that a past relationship -and one that i see as the only long term relationship ive ever had that was sexually satisfying-(lol..albeit only 10 months!) was one where i was gladly submissive..but he was changing it into a slave position-so much of what it says in this article hits home.. the laying out of clothes-he would not let me eat, or drive,and controlled my daily life completely-unless he gave me permission to have time alone. Any retaliatiation would cause him to be violent, or sometimes torment me. The sex was amazing, but also i feel that i had no idea what was happening, and either loving it or fighting it, because we never had any agreement or discussion about the boundries of the relationship. This article has helped me a lot..because i've always seen relationships as a bit of a messed up blur- i'm not sure i really like the rigid way of catagorising relationships, but it does help me to understand what went wrong in the past- the feelings i get from a man having control over me in any aspect are sexually amazing passionate and addictive, though being manipulated mantally or humilliated and having my whole life controlled to the point of real suffering is unbearably traumatic.. any comments or advice for me from anyone are much appreciated.
posted
[QUOTE]Originally posted by miria: "So you want to be a slave: The Realities"
- by miria hunter
I decided to write this article because I have seen so many submissives come into the lifestyle expecting everything to be dream-like and perfect. ============================================
Excellent information, very informative and enlightening! Thank you miria!
This is the first article I have found that explains things and puts everything into perspective. I am in a D/s relationship but neither of us have a real clue about a real TPE or TEPE relationship and I think we have been looking at it as more of a sexual lifestyle of bondage and spankings than anything else. I can't speak for my D, but I myself feel a little disappointed and ready to toss in the towel.
We have lived together for about 6 weeks now and I am bored with giving him oral sex 2 or 3 times a day and my tasks/chores are rarely given or enforced unless I ask him to give them to me. I really care about him, but feel very dissatisfied lately.
Plus when I have been too tired to take care of him orally he pouts and whines until I ask him what his problem is. I feel more like I'm in charge of him than he is of me and I wanted to be his subbie.
Is there a difference between sub and slave and how would it work when they live together?
Posts: 4 | From: Midwest | Registered: Dec 2005
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I think you are allowed hard "no's" and that that could be something that is worked on gradually. As in pushing the limits?
scarletred
quote:Originally posted by buttkisser: like you said every relationship is diffrent. me i can only handle it during the (scene) also you talked about disscusing it beforehand seeing eye to eye i guess.that is very inportant just think if the boss wants to fuck your ass and thats 1 thing you never what to do.that could turn the sub into a dom real quick great insite have fun
posted
Thanks kharita, your comment helps me to see how I am pushing him to be who I need him to be.
I don't want to ask him to move out or stop being my D. But maybe I should if I cannot be who or what it is he wants me to be. I don't think he takes all of it seriously, just the part where he gets to order sexual gratification and spank me if I choose not to clean house or do laundry.
I feel like I know more about the D/s relationship than him. I am continually asking him to read articles on line or get a book on D/s relationships that are 24/7.
He makes the effort for a few days then stops. I have to find good articles and then ask him to read them to me so we can both learn but I must admit teaching in the dark is not my best quality.
scarletred
quote:Originally posted by kharita: Like mira, (and kudos on the article, mira), I am a 24/7 slave. I know that looking at slavery from the outside can seem very intimidating. But we all had to grow into our enslavement. Just because that collar gets locked on, doesn't mean you become this perfect, graceful, erotic, instantly yielding and obedient creature. No matter how much we want to serve perfectly, we still bring our humanity to the relationship. Developing the slave mindset, and being molded and trained as your owner requires, is an ongoing process.
posted
I have to say that I really enjoyed this article, greatly. I have nbot yet found anyone who wishes to be my Dom/me yet,but I hope that I will meet him/her soon, so that we could get to know each other. If you have any suggestions on where I could find one, email me at Danwolf89@aol.com
Posts: 6 | From: Texas | Registered: Jan 2006
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posted
i've seen this article re-posted in a couple of different places over the last couple of years, and it is a good one. Slavery is not easy, and it's not always fun, and i think that more who are considering that lifestyle should be educated in this way.
Personally, i don't consider slavery and submission to be the same thing. In fact, i don't consider myself to be particulary submissive. (My Master would whole-heartedly agree with this last statement.) Yes, i submit. But i don't do it because that submission gives me any pleasure, or because i am honoring some commitment i made six years ago when i took this collar. No, what i have done is to surrender myself totally to His point-of-view as to what our relationship should be like. Sometimes that involves modifying my actions, at other times it means changing my way of thinking or believing.
i like to say that a submissive DOES what her Master wishes, and that a slave BECOMES what her Master wishes. It's more of a mind-set than a set of actions.
But i'm rambling, now. Again, good article.
arani_CsA, devoted property of Clampius_Arelius
-------------------- "Sometimes Goreans ask, is she a slave because she is beautiful, or beautiful because she is a slave?" John Norman, Beasts of Gor, pp. 246-247 Posts: 29 | Registered: Jun 2006
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posted
I think that if you are asking yourself these questions then you are NOT ready to be a slave but would be better suited for a role as a sub.
Posts: 1 | From: Fort McMurray AB | Registered: Nov 2006
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posted
Hello newlysub,First,take it slow nothing has to be rushed.Second,talk,talk talk,communication is the key to failure or success.Do not be afraid to say what you will or will not do.You can still lay down ground rules.But don't ever assume that the other person knows what you want or don't want.And don't worry,I doubt you will offend anyone,just by asking questions,after all that what this board is for.----------Mike
Posts: 7 | From: Outer Banks,NC. | Registered: Oct 2006
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