LeatherViews

Punishment in SM
by Jack Rinella

"Dear Mr. Jack: I was reading what you wrote regarding looking for a
Master/slave relationship. I'm not looking to fill your personal post for
that position. I read it more to increase my own knowledge base. I think
what I find the most confusing about punishment is what do you punish for?
I read what you wrote and it is at your discretion or the discretion of
the Master. What if you are just having a bad day? Does that mean you
'kick the slave'? Do you fine tune an agreement between you and your slave
that has these sort of guidelines in it? I believe that being punished for
something I didn't understand I was being punished for to be very lowering
to my self esteem. I am just asking. I understand if you don't have time
to discuss it with me."

Since I'm having this discussion with my newest slave as well, it seems
appropriate to answer this question from a reader while I make this rather
confusing topic a bit more clear.

The ability to punish is probably the hallmark of a dominant/submissive
relationship. In very few relationships do we find it. After all, you've
never heard of anyone punishing a trick, a lover, a boyfriend, or a
fuck-buddy, have you? If you did, it could be labeled assault.

Let me define the term, to make that answer easier to understand. My
American Heritage Dictionary says: "punish v., To subject (someone) to a
penalty for a crime, fault, or misdemeanor. To inflict a penalty on a
criminal or wrongdoer for (an offense)." This is different from SM play,
sometimes called discipline, in which the infliction of pain is done for
the pleasure of one or both of the partners, such as in flogging or
spanking, though flogging or spanking may be used as a form of punishment.

In most cases our SM play has nothing to do with punishment. Punishment,
as I wrote above, involves partners in a D/s relationship. Though there
are guidelines for both punishment and discipline, I'm going to focus on
punishment in this essay.

By definition and agreement, the submissive gives the dominant the right
to punish. It is not a right that anyone has by his or her own nature, but
one that is gained when one gains authority over the other. I don't, for
instance, have a right to punish your children, but I can punish mine. As
governments are given the right to punish by the people who govern them,
so a slave gives his or her master the right to punish. If there is no
right to punish there can be no real control and hence no real slavery.

This, by the way, is why these cyber-relationships seldom work. You can't
spank someone in cyberspace, you can only pretend to do so.

There is a fundamental rule that should be noted here. Good communication,
even though it is a two-way street, is the responsibility of the one in
authority. If I give you a directive, it is my job to make sure you
understand it. Laws, rules, and precepts, if they are to be obeyed, need
to be understood. Unclear directions are not punishable. They are
correctable and explainable.

Among Leatherfolk, we have to admit that ignorance of the law is room for
leniency. Of course if the infraction occurs after the rule is understood,
that is a different matter.

The punishment ought to fit the circumstances. In my household, punishment
is usually defined as a beating with a specific clothes brush reserved for
that purpose. Except in my most feisty moments that brush is used only for
punishment. That is not to say that other punishments aren't appropriate
at times. I recently punished a slave visiting for the weekend by cutting
off the Calvin Klein underwear that he had refused to remove when told to
do so. He later admitted that the punishment had been much worse than a
spanking.

It's obvious that clarity is important when transgression can mean
punishment. For that reason, I have a written contract and a set of
expectations and regulations concerning voluntary servitude. That way,
there are fewer surprises.

I usually refrain from punishing for the first offense and instead issue a
warning and an explanation. Subsequent infractions will incur a sterner
warning and eventual punishment.

Why punish? Punishment is a very effective form of training. It helps one
modify one's behavior in a way that no amount of reasoning, explaining, or
pleading will do. I remember when I was just beginning my slavery to
Master Lynn. I had a premature ejaculation without his permission. The
swift, hard application of wide black belt to my cold ass cured me of that
very quickly.

Punishment also clears the air. Infractions cause bad feelings on the part
of both parties. Masters get angry and feel hurt that they have been
disobeyed. Slaves feel guilty and that they have failed. The application
of punishment ends the infraction and settles the score, so that it can
now be said that it is over and done with.

It is a good rule that punishment should be appropriate, swift, of short
duration, and once done, the issue be considered by both parties to have
been fully and completely resolved.

It is important, too, that punishment not be administered when one or the
other of the parties is angry, as this emotion will cloud the reason and
lead the punishment into areas that will harm the relationship, not help
it. If either is angry, the matter should be put aside until both heads
are clear and reasonable.

In fact, if there is anger in the punishment, that could be a sign that
the relationship is abusive and ought to be analyzed for further signs of
abuse. I have written about domestic violence elsewhere so I won't cover
that topic now. You can find that essay on my website under kinky info.

Punishment is not given for "a bad day." It is given because there has
been a clear violation of a clear rule. It is not "kicking the dog." It is
a means, albeit an ultimate one, for correcting behavior, when one has the
right to expect behavior that adheres to specific guidelines.

Slavery, or any other form of submission, is a gift of the subordinate to
the dominant. It is the surrender of one's will to that of another, for
the pleasure of both. The ability to punish is part of the gift, as it can
be significant tool for the reshaping of the subordinate into a more
pleasing gift.

Because punishment is meant to be corrective, it is actually meant to
increase one's self-esteem, as the subordinate learns, by practice,
instruction, discussion, and punishment, how to better please his or her
master. Pleasure is, after all, what we are about.

Have a great week. You can leave me email at mrjackr@leathermail.com or
visit my website at "http://www.LeatherViews.com". Copyright 2001 by Jack
Rinella, all rights reserved.