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for Issue number 5
Saturday, January 20, 2001

First Prize Essay

by Jack Rinella

The First Prize winner in our essay contest is Patricia Kalin AKA Vamp Ire
(Vamp_Ire@hotmail.com). She wins one year of free web hosting from Rinella
Internet Services ($300.00 value), one year Home Delivery Subscription to
Gay Chicago Magazine, Chicago's premier entertainment magazine ($120.00
value), and a 2001 International Mr. Leather Contest Weekend Event
Package.

What is a Leather Man/Woman?

I'm still relatively new to Leather, but I've been kinky all my life. In
the last three years I think I've started to make the crossover to Leather
and to understand its implications. One of the first things I learned is
that a person has to be real careful making statements that include
"always" and "never,î so I'm going to try to avoid using them here.
Leather folk are a diverse lot, and they'd quickly prove any absolute rule
to be wrong. That is one of the reasons I've come to love the communities
that we are.

The first part of my becoming a Leather Woman was simply showing up. I
know that sounds simple, but nothing else could have happened without it.
I had to have the drive to seek out other people who were in some way
identified with Leather, and not just to play with them. I wanted to be
with people who could understand me, teach me, and tell me what they knew
about others who had come before. I was searching for myself and people
like me, not just for an orgasm.

My first exposure to the scene was through the internet, not too uncommon
in this day and age. I went through the baffling experience of online chat
rooms and found they didn't hold even a smidgen of what I wanted. That was
fantasy, I wanted the reality. I found tons of people who would type about
any given subject, but I didn't find people who were concerned with the
actuality of this path.

A stroke of luck led me to the Seattle Women's Welcoming Committee web
site where I finally had my eyes opened a little. I learned that there was
a group of women who met and talked about the reality of doing SM, and I
was terribly excited. I still saw things as an outsider though. "I" wanted
to check out "those people".

I decided that signing up for their mailing list would be a safe way to
look into the secret world of electronically-equipped Leather Folk. I was
armed with tons of media stereotypes and preconceptions. I still remember
my first question on that mailing list, "What is all this talk about
slave, submissives, and bottoms? What is the difference?" A very nice soft
butch leather dyke answered my question with humor and kindness, and for
that I'll always adore her. I was suddenly taken under the wing of over a
hundred Leather Women who were willing to help me learn, and I adored
them. In short order they became people I cared about instead of people I
just fantasized about, and I think that was my next step in becoming
Leather.

After laughing with these women, loving some of them, and crying with more
of them I started seeing them more as a tribe to which I belonged rather
than people I came to observe.

Sometime during this I showed up at a place called The Beyond the Edge
CafÈ, and it was at precisely the wrong time. Allena (the owner) was
setting up for fetish night dinner and the place wasn't opened for
business. I was this nervous little woman that walked in decked out in
street clothes and wearing an expression on my face that I'm sure was a
priceless. I was horrified that I was IN "one of these places".

Allena, like a Leather Goddess who swooped out of the clouds, greeted me
with all the graciousness and kindness I could have ever hoped for. She
let me know that I was welcome. She taught me that once you learn, you
teach. She didn't do it through spouting a lot of pretty words on the
subject, she taught through her example and constant hard work. Before
long, I found myself playing at the cafe and connecting with players who
were taking me places I really wanted to go.

When the owner of our news list had to give up moderating it, I
volunteered to create a new list, entitled WHACK (Women Having A
Consensual Kink). Thus started my adventure as list mommy to over a
hundred Leather Women who had helped me when I was new. I was happy to do
it; I owed them a lot and I would have missed them.

Getting involved and taking the well-being of the group on as a part of my
personal responsibility was a new level for me. To be honest, I don't
always like this part, and sometimes I'd like to forget it and walk away.
It is easier to fight your own battles and forget the tribe, but as much
as I swear and gripe about it I don't think I could do it. I'm in it now
for the long haul, and understand unquestionably that our fates are
entwined.

The willingness and drive to research what you are doing is one of the
other steps that I think is really important. I couldn't calculate how
many hours I've spent reading materials, speaking with people in the
lifestyle, and learning about our history. I think a major step from kinky
to Leather is not just cruising around for SM porn, but for SM history. It
is a strange day when you wake up and realize that you have enough
knowledge that passing it on is the thing to do. I've started to do that
through my email list, various websites, and classes. I also have started
reviewing books for The Society for Human Sexuality in order to give a
Leather perspective on books there. I can't get out to major cities often
to participate in public scenes, but I contribute what I can.

I think everyone's journey to finding themselves in Leather will be
different. What draws us together and makes us Leather is our commitment
and feeling of personal responsibility for other people in our tribe. It
is a compulsion to share knowledge that one has learned. It is an interest
in the community that goes beyond the sex and the fantasy to the flesh and
blood lives of the people in this lifestyle. It is an interest in learning
about our tribe and honoring our history. It is a personal drive to add to
the community instead of take from it.

That is how I found my way to the beginning of my Leather journey, and
that is what I think of when I hear the term Leather Man or Leather Woman.

* * * * *

Patricia Kalin AKA Vamp Ire has been involved in the Leather scene for
about three years as a rather polymorphous pervert. In that time she has
given some seminars and written a few articles. She currently reviews
books for Society for Human Sexuality at http://www.sexuality.org and
manages a news list called WHACK (Women Having A Consensual Kink).

* * * * *

Have a great week. You can leave me email at mrjackr@leathermail.com or
visit my website at ìhttp://www.LeatherViews.comî. Copyright 2001 by Jack
Rinella, all rights reserved.

* * * * * *

Need a good book to read on a cold Winter night? Surf over to the newest
website in the Rinella Leather Family: http://www.kinkybooks.com