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Top, Bottom, and In-between
by Jack Rinella

Most outsiders to Leather make the faulty assumption that our sub-culture is highly-structured, regimented, and generally extreme in its practices. To the un-informed we are all strict sadistic masters, groveling masochistic slaves, or raunchy insatiable pigs.

The truth of the matter, of course, is that the number of those who fit into any of the above categories is minimal. Most leather folk are rather gentle folk simply intent on a good time and some kind of sexual out-let. A bell curve of our community would show that the vast majority of us are rather versatile party-seekers who use kink to enhance, but not regulate, our relationships.

Most players consider themselves as tops or bottoms and many of those who do so are in fact versatile over the course of time. That's not to say that some aren't exclusively top or bottom. It simply means that given the right circumstances most Leather folk will opt for a good time rather than for no time at all. In practice we "switch" for the sake of convenience, curiosity, or lust-fulfillment.

Whereas only a few will admit to being versatile (switches), in practice it is much more common than one suspects. Why not? Being so dramatically increases one's chance of finding a partner. In many cases, too, our play is more mutual than anything else.

The titles "top" and "bottom" obviously refer to the positions two people have in relation to one another, as in the missionary position of sexual intercourse, where the fucker is on top and the fuckee is on the bottom. Checking out a couple of glossaries, I find that "On the Safe Edge," by Trevor Jacques, et. al., defines bottom as "The person to whom things are done during play, i.e., the person more likely to be referred to as being controlled in one manner or another. The bottom may be able to do little but receive the ministrations of the top." Jay Wiseman in his book "SM 101" defines it as "A slang term for a submissive and/or masochist. Many people use the word ebottom' to mean specifically someone who enjoys being given various sensations, as opposed to a esubmissive,' who enjoys being controlled." For Wiseman top is "A slang term, for a dominant and/or sadist," while for Jacques a top is "the player who takes the more controlling, perhaps dominant role."

As these definitions show there are dominant and submissive characteristics to these roles, but in reality, the dominance or control generally refers only to a specific action rather than to a more generalized relationship. A top ties up a bottom giving the appearance of being in control, when in fact the bottom may be very able to "control" the scene, perhaps by telling the top to tie him or her up in a certain way or by using some form of "safe word" to end the scene entirely.

In any case there is most likely going to be a great deal of flexibility among top/bottom partners. In my early ventures into Leather, for instance, I often played with other versatile tops. Our play was a matter of "You tie me up and then I'll tie you up," or "I'll spank you first, then you spank me." Perhaps the operant word here is play, which my American Heritage Dictionary defines as "to occupy oneself in amusement, sport, or other recreation."

Most top/bottom partnerships, be they for a one night stand, a long term relationship, or something in between, are quite egalitarian in nature, the focus of the relationship being mutual sexual satisfaction. In practice, most Leather folk are literally going to "play" at Leather sex. Their goal is one of pleasure, eroticism, and eventual orgasm, though this is often tempered by the partners' familiarity with each other and degree of intimacy they wish to experience.

SM, after all, is not only about sex, even if it is mostly about sex. A whipping top and his bottom may engage in a very arousing flogging scene and it most certainly could include aspects of care, eroticism, and affection. If, though, the scene is done in public there may be no indication of any sexual activity at all. At many pansexual events, for instance, intercourse, whether anal, vaginal, or oral-genital (as opposed to verbal), is often forbidden. One can safely assume, though, that for committed partners the scene continues more intimately in private at a later time.

Topping and bottoming is the generalist mode of SM and therefore provides the widest breadth of activity. It is for that reason the best place to start when exploring Leather. Many neophytes, of course, fail to realize that, thinking they must begin at some different place. It's remarkable how many times I have received requests for complete slavery from guys who have had absolutely no experience in the scene. This is an unrealistic approach, since a basic familiarity with our culture is really a necessary first-step to deeper involvement.

You'll also find that many Leather folk are quite eclectic in their tastes. Rather than focusing on one or another fetish, they will enjoy samplings of many of them. After a while players may tend to focus on one or another fetish, but this is usually only after becoming more familiar with the basics. It's only reasonable that such be the case, as scenes most often involve a great many different talents and experiences. Considerations such as available equipment, safety, proper technique, and "artistic" nuances are important and the best players are well-grounded in many aspects of the scene, not just one or two.

The realization that this is so goes a long way in helping neophytes to find their own comfort levels in our midst. At a usual dungeon party, for instance, it's not uncommon for the vast majority of participants to do a lot more watching and visiting than anything else. To think that everything we do is kinky is unrealistic.

We are players, that is true, but very often we are also friends and acquaintances. We may be seeking sexual partners but we also seek a good party, laughs, and new friends. Approaching us as a community, then, need not be as traumatic as one might think. We seldom ask anyone to dive right in head first. In fact, for most of us our entry was one of just looking and listening as we became orientated to the scene. We began by sampling a little of this and a little of that, in the process becoming more comfortable, more educated, and more part of the community.

The image of a severe dominatrix, her bosoms pouring out of a leather corset or of a stern master, single-tail whip in hand, is both enticing and scary. The vast majority of real leather folk are a far cry from those images. Demographically we cover a wide range of ages, economic and intellectual levels, sexual orientations, genders, and sophistication. Our tastes vary even more widely.

That I think is one of the best points about Leather. It is welcoming, tolerant, and quite diverse. Our coming together is meant to create a space for eroticism and sexual play. The ease with which many members "switch" is a sign of the relaxed nature of our community. This certainly is one place where you can be all you can be, at your own pace, in your own time.

Have a great week. You can leave me email at mrjackr@leathermail.com or visit my website at "http://www.LeatherViews.com". Copyright 2001 by Jack Rinella, all rights reserved.