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Issue number 49
November 26, 2001

In Defense of Ego
by Jack Rinella

Someone recently surfed to my website, found my personal ad looking for another slave, and decided to respond: "I really admire your persistence. I've been following your column and website and it's fairly obvious you aren't convincing anyone that being your slave is anything to line up for. Good thing you and Patrick are made for each other... Yeah, I might like to be a slave, but I might like to have a Master who isn't the poster child for self-absorption."

Now I will be the first to acknowledge that I get so much positive feedback from readers that the rare email that considers me a jerk doesn't affect me too badly. After all, I have a wonderful life.

Each night I get to lie naked next to Patrick, snuggle and kiss, talk about whatever's on my mind, and do whatever I feel like doing. He has this wonderful idea that he was born to serve me and, as far as I can tell, he lives up to this purpose quite well.

That's not to say he's perfect. I also am quick to admit that I lack perfection as well. I have lots of faults and if you want to know them ask Patrick. He has a long list of my foibles: not picking up dirty laundry, refusing to use my inhalers in order to mitigate my chronic bronchitis, worrying much too much about money, not getting enough exercise, being too eager to accommodate the next slave applicant or to make the guy down the street feel good. Our friend John would add that I hold his ears when he sucks my cock and that I play too much Free Cell.

Hey, I am who I am.

One of the most important advantages to being my age is that one is liable to begin accepting oneself, warts and all. That doesn't mean I haven't stopped scratching the wart on the back of my neck, if that's what it is. It simply means that I am less demanding of myself and more accepting of the fact, yes fact, that it's quite all right to be who I am.

My grandmother used to call me "Skinny Ma-linkee" and chide me for being so thin. Later, when I was married she called me "Face-brute" (pronounced faa-cha bru-te) which means ugly face because I wore a beard.

You know what? I like being thin and I enjoyed not shaving.

Things change and that includes living things like me. So now I have a little belly, which no one but me seems to notice, and I've been shaving my beard often enough that I'm clean shaven, even if I don't shave on days when I don't go out.

OK, I've pushed this self-acceptance thing about as far as one can. I like it that way. I enjoy knowing that as a human I am a unique creation. I sense and feel and enjoy. I understand and make connections and experience an amazing universe. And yes, I am at the center of that universe.

How else can it be? Everything I know is what I know around me. I can't step outside of myself to look at me. I look through my eyes, but I don't see them when I do that.

You, too, are the center of your life. Patrick, slave to me that he is, is the center of his life as well. That's the way it is and that's the way it should be. The guy, if indeed he is a guy, who wrote the opening email, should know the same about himself.

Priests, rabbis, imams, mullahs, gurus, dalai lamas, bishops, and mentors are all very good and can be quite helpful. Throw in therapists, teachers, counselors, friends, confessors, and confidants as well. Still the Fact, Fact with a capital "F", remains that each of us is terribly, horribly, always, and ultimately responsible for ourselves, for what we think and feel about us, for how we treat and love ourselves.

So you're wondering what this has to do with Leather.

My experience, which isn't as grand and great as my audience thinks, is that Leather is first and foremost an exploration of self. As I told slave Al so many years ago, "You'll look in a mirror and see yourself."

Doesn't all we do focus our attention on ourselves and the relationship of that self to others? Don't the clothespins, paddles, crops, and whips bring our minds to focus on us? Isn't the other we worship and serve somehow so very directly related to who and what we are?

In a past life-time, at least it feels that long ago, I was in charge of selling textbooks for a major religious publishing company. Our best seller, was called "I am special." It was a small book for kindergartners and was meant to show each of them how unique they were. Leatherfolk haven't lost that uniqueness, that special-ness.

In fact, Leather is a fine vehicle for experiencing our uniqueness. It is a welcoming, tolerant, and diverse community where exploration of one's fantasy life is encouraged and shared. We support each other in becoming who we want to be: slave, pig, master, mommy, daddy, bondage bottom, queen, thrall, boy, you name it.

In return we only ask for safety, sanity, and consent. Safety means we won't injure each other or spread disease. Sanity means that we will use sound judgment and good reason in our dealings with one another. Consent means that there is no deception or unwanted force used to convince or coerce another to do our will.

Within that broad framework we are free to be whomever we aspire to be. That means we can be God, a dog, or any permutation in between. The benchmark of success is oneself. Be all you can be. Be the very best you, whatever that you is.

This Leather exploration, then, is ultimately one of self-exploration. To know yourself, the inner self that is reflective of your soul's intentions and goals. The self that answers the question "When you are your freest self, who are you?"

Leather rips away societal expectations of what is good and bad, the baggage imposed by others who project their standards on you. Leather removes limits, norms, and conformity and attempts to allow us to conform to the inner us. Leather provides a safe place to experiment with "different" personae as we explore what me might want to become.

Leather encourages "make believe" so that the reality of our fantasies can be experienced, tried and tested. Leather is like a clothing store where we can try on lots of suits and dresses to see what fits, what feels right, what is really us. Leather gives you the freedom to be whatever you're capable of being, even "the poster child of self-absorption."

Have a great week. You can leave me email at mrjackr@leathermail.com or visit my website at www.LeatherViews.com .

Jack